Ogden Nash Quotes
Most popular Ogden Nash Quotes
Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave When they think that their children are naïve.
Too clever is dumb.
Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.
Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind.
Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
Door: What a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
Man is a victim of dope In the incurable form of hope.
A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
I claim there ain't Another Saint As great as Valentine.
Oh duty, Why hast thou not the visage of a sweetie or a cutie?
The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat.
The cow is of the bovine ilk; one end is moo, the other milk.
Do you think my mind is maturing late, or simply rotted early?
I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it.
Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.
Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.
Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long.
Professional men, they have no cares; whatever happens, they get theirs.
The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin and grin.
I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers.
People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.
Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.
The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control.
Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive.
Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals?
Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, And that's what parents were created for.
If you don't want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.
Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you set about retiring them.
Someone invented the telephone, and interrupted a nation's slumbers — ringing wrong but similar numbers.
Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.
A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men women an occasional animal and the common cold.
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.
Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.
People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it.
I have an idea that the phrase 'weaker sex' was coined by some woman to disarm the man she was preparing to overwhelm.
I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, Were it not for making a living, which is rather a nouciance.
There are two kinds of people who blow through life like a breeze—one kind is the gossipers, and the other is gossipees.
Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny— Did you ever try buying then without money?
Every Englishman is convinced of one thing, viz.: That to be an Englishman is to belong to the most exclusive club there is.
I think that I shall never see A billboard lovely as a tree. Indeed, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all.
There is something about a Martini, A tingle remarkably pleasant; A yellow, a mellow Martini; I wish that I had one at present.
To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.
There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, And that is to have either a clear conscience, or none at all.
O Adolescence, O Adolescence, I wince before thine incandescence. Thy constitution young and hearty Is too much for this aged party.
Another good thing about gossip is that it is within everybody's reach, And it is much more interesting than any other form of speech.
I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons.
Humor is hope's companion in arms. It is not brash, it is not cheap, it is not heartless. Among other things I think humor is a shield, a weapon, a survival kit.
An occasional lucky guess as to what makes a wife tick is the best a man can hope for, Even then, no sooner has he learned how to cope with the tick than she tocks.
There are people who are very resourceful, at being remorseful, and who apparently feel that the best way to make friends is to do something terrible and then make amends.
Poets are always in search of the right word, the adjective that is inevitable, Because an ill-chosen adjective induces levity in the reader, and no poet wishes to be levitable.
The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.
Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.
A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.
I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all.
There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all.
