Golf Quotes

If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business.

business

If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out.

Well, they're Southern people, and if they know you are working at home they think nothing of walking right in for coffee. But they wouldn't dream of interrupting you at golf.

You drive for show but putt for dough.

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.

The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf - it's almost a law.

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

The game of golf has a way of divulging aspects of our character that we would probably prefer were left hidden, sometimes even from ourselves.

Golf is a game that mirrors life.  Golf is both a mystical journey of joy and sorrow and a physical journey of cause and effect.  It is a game providing us with opportunities for wonderfully torturous choices—take a chance and achieve supreme glory or wallow in dismal failure—always with the promise of another day to try again.

One of the things that makes the game of golf so unique is that professional golfers are independent contractors.  Play well, you get paid.  Miss the cut, and you get nothing.

Golf is a lot like life.  It will test your patience.  It will dazzle and baffle you with highs and lows, successes and frustrations.

Golf is a spiritual game.  It's like Zen.  You have to let your mind take over.

Golf is really not a game at all, but a perverse obsession designed to inflict pain on its practitioners that has somehow slipped past the borders of its national origin, and is now played by people who do not realize the true essence of the endeavor.

Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result.

A personal tragedy leads to six stages of grief: shock, denial, pain, anger, depression, and acceptance.  It's the same after a round of golf.

Golf is the equivalent of crack for middle-aged white men.

Golf.  The art of driving hard, avoiding the rough, surmounting traps and hazards, aiming straight, and arriving on the green at last, only to end up in a hole in the ground before your companions.

Golf is sex in the afternoon.  It is an old man's Marilyn Monroe who, in the transition of 18 holes becomes Golda Meir.  It is the only game in which the player seduces himself.

It is a game, a sport, in which grown men flog, flail, flush, fracture, and foul a green landscape on which 18 holes are hidden.

Golf is not, on the whole, a game for realists.  By its exactitudes of measurement it invites the attention of perfectionists.

Golf is an expensive way to make yourself miserable.

Golf is the only instance of a country exporting its landscape, because golf courses the world over generally resemble a bit of Scotland.

Golf is an acquired taste, like poison gas.

Golf puts a man's character on the anvil and his richest qualities—patience, poise, restraint—to the flame.

I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.

Golf is the only game in which a precise knowledge of the rules can earn one a reputation for bad sportsmanship.

Golf is a billion-dollar industry devoted entirely to hope.

Golf is played in a manmade Eden, a garden.  The setting is made beautiful to refresh the senses, and when you step onto the course you have a second chance at paradise.

Golf is so addictive, I believe, because it tantalizes us with the hope of returning to a place where spirit is exalted.  It's not shooting below par but above yourself that makes the game so seductive.

A curious sport whose object is to put a very small ball into a very small hole with implements ill-designed for the purpose.

Of all forms of exercise theoretically designed for recreation and relaxation none can be so unerringly guaranteed to produce nervous exhaustion and despair leading to severe mental illness and, in some cases, petulance.

The British, of all ages, still walk the course. On trips to Florida or the American desert, they still marvel, or shudder, at the fleets of electric carts going off in the morning like the first assault wave of the Battle of El Alamein.

Humiliations are the essence of the game.  They derive from the fact that the human anatomy is exquisitely designed to do practically anything but play golf.

Golf is like a love affair.  If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart.

The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flagstick on top.

A golf course is nothing but a pool room moved outdoors.

Golf is a science—the study of a lifetime, in which you may exhaust yourself but never your subject.

I kind of look at birdies like deposits in the bank. You can never have too many deposits because you're always going to have withdrawals.

A golf course is the epitome of all that is purely transitory in the universe, a space not to dwell in, but to get over as quickly as possible.

It is clear that the game of golf may well be included in that category of intolerable provocations which may legally excuse or mitigate behavior not otherwise excusable.

Golf may be played on Sunday, not being a game within the view of the law, but being a form of moral effort.

It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.

Golf is the most over-taught and least learned human endeavor in the whole spectrum of doctrinology. if they taught sex the way they teach golf, the race would have died out years ago.

Golf is the cruelest of sports.  Like life, it's unfair.  It's a harlot.  A trollop.  It leads you on.  It never lives up to its promises.  It's not a sport, it's bondage.  An obsession.  A boulevard of broken dreams.  It plays with men.  And runs off with the butcher.

A round of golf partakes of the journey, and the journey is one of the central myths and signs of Western Man.  It is also a round: it always leads back to the place you started from.

I don't even remember what happened in 2005.  You make a mistake and just put it in the trash.

Golf is essentially an exercise in masochism conducted out of doors; it affords an opportunity for a certain swank, it induces a sense of kinship in its victims, and it forces them to breathe fresh air, but it is, at bottom, an elaborate and addictive rite calculated to drive them crazy for hours on end and send them straight to the whisky bottle after that.

Golf . . . combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.

All the important lessons of life are contained in the three rules for achieving a perfect golf swing:  1. Keep your head down.  2. Follow through.  3. Be born with money.

One more swell thing about golf, it provides ammunition for the social bore.  Who doesn't love cornering others with tales of action and adventure starring the self?

What other people may find in poetry or art museums, I find in the flight of a good drive—the white ball sailing up into that blue sky, growing smaller and smaller, then suddenly reaching its apex, curving, falling, and finally dropping to the turf to roll some more, just the way I planned it.

Golf is the most brilliant game ever invented!  What other game could turn seemingly intelligent and sane people into complete lunatics in a matter of seconds?

Golf has probably kept more people sane than psychiatrists have.

Face the ball plain, as if you are about to shake hands with someone on the other side of it.

Golf asks something of a man.  It makes one loathe mediocrity.  It seems to say, "If you are going to keep company with me, don't embarrass me."

Golf is a puzzle without an answer.

Golf is a particularly severe strain upon the amiability of the average person's temper, and in no other game, except bridge, is serenity of disposition so essential.

Golf is not just exercise; it is an adventure, a romance. Anything can happen, however unexpected, unlikely, bizarre or close to impossible. The game is full of surprises, turns and twists. It is like a Shakespeare play in which disaster and comedy are intertwined.

Tennis is like a wonderful, longstanding relationship with a husband.  Golf is a tempestuous, lousy lover.  It's totally unpredictable, a constant surprise.  But you can get so hooked on it.

Night after night I went to sleep murmuring, "Tomorrow I will be easy, strong, quick, supple, accurate, dashing and self-controlled all at once!"  For not less than this is necessary in the Game of Life called golf.

life

They say I'm famous for my delicate iron shots—and, sure, when I hit them right they land just so, like a butterfly with sore feet.

Running through the Rules [of golf] are underlying principles that, like the steel rods which lie below the surface of reinforced concrete, serve to bind together the brittle material and to give it strength.

As in marriage, there is sharing [in golf]; we search for one another's lost balls, we comment helpfully upon one another's defective swings, we march more or less in the same direction, and we come together, like couples at breakfast and dinner, on the tees and on the greens.

The only way...of really finding out a man's true character is to play golf with him.  In no other walk of life does the cloven hoof so quickly display itself.

I get to play golf for a living. What more can you ask for—getting paid for doing what you love.

Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.

Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk.

Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.

Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.

Golf is a game in which one endeavours to control a ball with implements ill adapted for the purpose.

Golf is a game in which you yell 'fore', shoot six, and write down five.

Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.

He has the finest, fundamentally sound golf swing I've ever seen.

Tiger Woods

He hits it long. His shoulders are impressively quick through the ball. That's where he's getting his power from. He's young and has great elasticity.

Tiger Woods

He hits the ball a long way and he knows how to win.

Tiger Woods

He's going to be around a long, long time, if his body holds up. That's always a concern with a lot of players because of how much they play. A lot of guys can't handle it. But it looks like he can.

Tiger Woods

He's got an overall flair for the game. It looks to me like he really loves what he does and he can't wait to get up in the morning, go hit some balls and go play.

Tiger Woods

He's got everything. He's not a great player yet because he hasn't won any major championships, but it's a matter of time. He's an outstanding talent. I didn't realize how tall he is.

Tiger Woods

Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.

I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.

If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up.

If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

Overall the fundamentals seem to be there and he's obviously got a very mature head on his shoulders. He's got a kind of presence.

Tiger Woods

Relax? How can anybody relax and play golf? You have to grip the club, don't you?

Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing.

Tennis and golf are best played, not watched.

tennis

Golf was invented to prevent those who shouldn't be reading books from reading bad books.