W. C. Fields Quotes
Most popular W. C. Fields Quotes

I would rather be living in Philadelphia.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
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I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

Anybody who hates children and dogs can't be all bad.

Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.

Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
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What contemptible scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch?

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.

I've been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be friends.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then give up. There's no use in being a damn fool about it.

There may be some things better than sex, and there may be some things worse. But there's nothing exactly like it.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.